Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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