I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
