Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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