He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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