Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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