In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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