the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
