The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
