If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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