I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
