omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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