They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
