When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
