You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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