I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
