My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
