ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
