I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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