my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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