isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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