What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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