Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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