She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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