his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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