Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
