I will die if light touches me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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