how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
