I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
