Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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