you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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