So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
