what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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