I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
