it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
