in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
