Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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