So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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