Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
