Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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