Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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