I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
