he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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