Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
