pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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