I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
