Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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