i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
