when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
