highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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