So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
