ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Randomize
