No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
