Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
