The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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