I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
honey bunches of taint.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
