Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
