If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
