I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
