Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
