these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
