Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
