i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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