I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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