His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
