I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
