we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
