i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
