I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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