I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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