So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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