What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
