I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
