Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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