my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
